((sigh))

I just got done reading some blogs - I really do love reading about everyone else's joys and/or struggles.  It reminds me that others are out there living life too.  Now you might be thinking - duh!?  Obviously people are out there living  their lives!! HELLO JAMIE!?  And - LOL - I know, I know... However, I sometimes get caught up in my own little world, my own little emotions and problems and joys, and so I forget about other people and their lives - don't you have those moments?

Then, I get selfish, and there are times I want to strangle others who rain on my day - like lying students who claim they are dying ((sigh)) Still working through my emotions to forgiveness on that one.  And I will.  I'll get there.  She is obviously starved for attention - divorced family situation and whatnot.

Right now though, I'm exhausted!!!  Sometimes I get so tired, I can hardly talk.  I think I must sound drunk at times to my 5th period American literature class - by that point I've taught the lesson they are receiving three times already that day, and I'm so tired/bored with it that my eyes start to cross and my speech starts to slur.

I'm hoping that this extreme exhaustion right now is due to being pregnant.  No, I haven't gotten a BFP yet (big fat positive on a pregnancy test).  In fact, I'm so impatient for a BFP, I took a test this morning and it was a BFN.  Something inside me knew it would be.  It's too early yet to get a positive on a pregnancy test. But I wanted to try anyway. 

It's a downer - the BFN.  However, I have another one to share from today - another downer that is.  I stopped by Walgreens today to pick up a refill of my prenatal vitamins.  I finally ran out of them, and my OB wants me to keep taking them while we TTC (try to conceive) just in case of BFP.  Anyway, the lady at Walgreens was going to ring them up for me and hand them over, then she says, "The pharmacist wants to talk to you first."  Well... okay, I say.  So I wait.... and wait... and wait... finally she comes back and says, "He just needs to know if you're pregnant and really need these?" 

I took a deep breathe... looked her straight in the eye.... and said... "I was.  I miscarried that baby.  We are trying again, so I could be pregnant at this moment.  There's no way to tell just yet, and that's why my doctor wants me to keep taking them while we try to conceive."  I said this in a very even - I want to kill you for bringing this up - kind of tone while never losing eye contact with her (which I'm kinda proud of).  Anyway, there was an awkward silence and then she turned away from me to tell the pharmacist what I said. 

I finally got my vitamins, and I hope she and that pharmacist feel like crap - because that's how they made me feel at that moment.

(((sigh)))  <------  I do that a lot lately, sigh.