December 14, 2010

Watch out - I'm about to go Kung Fu!

Thursday is my first ultrasound.  I'll be a day shy of 8 weeks.  And, ya'll, everything just has. to be. okay.

I have no reason to believe anything is wrong.  The early blood draws they took from me showed all was really good with my hormones.

I'm sick - to the point of vomiting almost daily now.  :-(  Supposed to be a great sign, right?  At least that's what everyone quickly tells me when I respond to the question of how I am.  "Oh!  That's a great sign!"  or "More vomiting is supposed to be a smarter baby."

ERRRRRR  all I have to say is, IT BETTER BE ALL THAT AND A LOT OF CHOCOLATE!  Cause if something is wrong, if this baby isn't okay on Thursday, I just feel....done! so done! 

I can't go through this again.  First, I can't go through any more losses - I won't.  I'm just not that strong. Those of you that have endured multiple loss - I bow down to you!  Your strength is AMAZING.

Second, I can't go through the beating my body takes each time I'm subjected to a first trimester.  I've said it before, but I'll say it again, I don't do pregnant well.  So let me apologize to all of you that get frustrated when pregnant people vent about how awful they feel.  I know you think, "They should just shut up and be thankful they are pregnant."  I am thankful I am pregnant - I am not thankful to be clutching the toilet every day!  And it's just not fair that there are those who can be pregnant out there and NEVER be sick but have healthy children.  NOT. FAIR. 

Anyway, yes, I would rather have morning sickness and vomiting than a loss - but if we're choosing here, I want NEITHER!

((sigh)) I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry... I'm just scared; I'm just sick; I'm just tired; I'm just overwhelmed.  You blog friends know - it helps to get it out, to write it out, and thus work it out.  Just let me do that here. 

You know I wouldn't want to offend any of you for the world!  But ... if I hear anyone else say to me, "Oh! I'm so glad to hear you're sick!" I may go kung-fu panda!!

6 comments:

  1. I am praying for everything to be PERFECT on Thursday and for you to start feeling better. God bless you!

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  2. LOL even when sick you are hilarious! Hope you feel better soon girl! Praying for you <3

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  3. Well I wanna see you go all Kung-Fu! Lol, but seriously I can't wait for your update on Thursday! Praying for good news, no anxiety, and no more morning sickness!

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  4. Hugs and Prayers always :) I understand the anxiety, as I still endure it daily.

    Lifting you up...rely on HIM

    xxx

    ps I hope the nausea subsides and gives you a break.

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  5. You don't sound ungrateful at all. I remember morning (all day) sickness. It was not fun! I hope it passes soon and that all is healthy and well for you and baby!

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  6. Hi Jamie,

    I haven't been on in a while, and I wanted to check in on you. I know just what you are feeling. Pregnancy in general is difficult enough, but now that the innocence of it has been taken away in loss, it makes it so much harder to even vent about the misery without guilt. But just remember this life is your life. You have every right to feel overwhelmed, frightened (TOTALLY normal) and even aggravated at being so sick. I said the same thing during my last two pregnancy's. I said "Never again, I just can't take it!" But when you are rested, (and past all this puking) you will be able to feel settled again. You WILL feel become more adjusted to the feelings of worry.

    This pregnancy is not one that you'll coast through at all. You will really REALLY have to put on the armor of God. Write down some verses to claim when satan starts all those doubts and fears going. Here is one that I remember claiming several times on the way to the check ups for Ruth: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). One version said of a calm and well balanced mind. Hold on to those. Remember that fear is satan talking, God doesn't taunt us with fear, He asks us to hold on to Him. Trust is hard when we have a loss, but with all your heart try to trust He really does have your best interests in mind.

    Love you friend,
    Kristie

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