October 9, 2011

conflicted

I have to make a decision that I keep putting off.

Last year on October 15th, I went to the Zoe Rose Remembrance Memorial in honor of our Angel Baby. 

This year... I want to go again, and then again, I don't.

I think if I had some ladies to go again with me like I did last year, I'd go.  I have some that I could ask - including the same ones who went with me last year.  The question is, why don't I ask?!

I don't know - I'm just so confused!  My emotions on this topic right now are... humm.. well, no better word comes to mind - they're confused!

I think I would just like to stay at home and light the candle next to the memorial box for our Angel at 7pm - the time all BLM (baby loss mommas) from around the world light candles for their lost angels. 



Yet, there is something else that compels me to do something more...

I've thought of contacting the church and buying the alter flowers for that Sunday, Oct. 16th and having them placed in honor and memory of our Angel and all those with children awaiting them in heaven.  It would raise awareness of the fact that this is Pregnancy and Early Infant Loss Awareness Month. 

I just haven't done it yet.  ...  I haven't done anything.  And while I want - NEED - to do something, I don't know what or how to get myself moving in that direction!

Let me correct myself; I did do one thing. A candle will be lit in honor of our Angel at the Zoe Rose Remembrance Service.  I did send an e-mail requesting that.  And a few other BLMs have sent me requests and/or offers to do something this month in honor of our Angel.  And let me just say, that REALLY touched my heart!  THANK YOU!!!

However, should I do more?  More than those things and my own lighting?

I wanna say yes, but I don't know what... how... 

Pray that God will speak to me regarding this and that I'll get a peace as to what more I should do - IF I should do more. 

Thanks!
((hugz))

3 comments:

  1. I think that the flowers at church would be a wonderful idea and raising awareness is important. ((HUGS))

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  2. I like the flowers at church idea too!

    By the way, this is Katharine from Grow Baby Grow. I've started a new blog so come check it out. I won't be using the old one as much anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think the flowers at the church idea is great! BUT I don't think that you should feel like you HAVE to do that either.

    I missed the walk to remember (it was today) but I had already decided I did not want to do it this year. Not because my angels are less important but because I don't feel as though I am up for it. I've been lacking energy being pregnant and all and now of course I am sick UGH!

    But either way I don't feel like your should feel bad about "not doing enough". Your angel KNOWS that you love him/her! You are a great mommy! Worrying just makes that more obvious <3 (((hugs))) <3

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