I don't know

Tonight I shared that I really feel God is using my Angel Baby in so many ways - in so many ways for me to minister to others.  I shared that I felt my Angel Baby's life, however brief, I think, has meant something and will continue to mean something and will mean something even more... because it changed me...

I shared that, and then I can't shake this feeling... this question... How?  How, Lord should this baby's brief life be affecting my current choices?  What?  What, Lord should I be doing differently right now to better fulfill what you've wanted to see in me because you allowed this to happen in my life?

I don't know what to do with these questions - rather, I know what to do with them, lay them at His feet and seek an answer... You ask, why haven't I done this yet?  Well, honestly... I think I'm scared of the answer.

I don't know.