August 19, 2011

Patience

At the orientation meeting for the online weight loss bible study I'm leading through Anchored by Hope - by the way, it's not too late to join; just click the link! - my good friend Sonya shared that she needed more patience during our prayer requests. 

I connected with that!  Patience.  Specifically, having more patience with yourself. 

I feel like life needs to be back to how it was before Hannah arrived RIGHT. NOW.  However, I understand two things about that...

Number one, it will never be the way it was - the SAME way - ever again. And that's a great thing!  We're a family of four now!  Whoo hoo!!

Number two, my head knows that getting to a new normal will take time.  However, I'm very impatient with that.  I feel like physically, my body should have more energy and strength NOW, and I feel spiritually, I should be back to that close walk I had with the Lord before I became pregnant with Hannah and got so sick and miserable. 

BUT THINGS TAKE TIME TO HEAL!  Dang it!! I should know that as a BLM (baby loss momma).  But, no matter, I'm still very impatient.  And the days seem to be flying by and running towards the date when I have to return to work and will be expected to handle everything - teaching, grading, coaching speech...  My insides shudder at this!  Will I be able to do it?!

It's not that I don't want to return to work; I DO!  I mean, I am a teacher and speech coach.  I was called to this, and I know I'm still called to this!   I just wish I had more time to recoup and recover from this pregnancy and big life change.

And listen to me!?  UGH!  I still have over a month at home!  Yet because my body and life isn't moving along and progressing at a pace I think it should, I'm becoming a bit frazzled.  This is not good.  I need to chill and enjoy this time off to recover.

I need patience.  With myself.

I never considered myself an impatient person, but I've seen it in other areas of my life a lot lately.  One way this has manifested is with Beth.  There was a day we went out together to see The Smurfs and run around at the mall, and for a good part of that time with her, I found myself repeating these words... "Hurry up!"  and "Come on!"  Poor four year old, I'm having her hurry through life with me - impatient to get to the next place or event in life.

How do you have patience with yourself, with your children?  How do you force yourself to stop and enjoy "the moment"?

I always feel like I have to be doing something.  Busy Busy Busy

It's progress, right?  It's okay, that's productivity, right?  That's seizing every minute we get in every day?

Somehow, I think not.

I need advice.  How do I stop and enjoy.... this...?

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