when your rainbow turns one...

Hannah's first birthday is Sunday.  Her first birthday party is tomorrow.

Firsts for her, and lasts for me - as we are not having any more kidos.  Which is okay with me - REALLY okay - however, it's just emotional knowing that this is it.  No more "first" birthdays or birthday parties.  No more little infant baby girl - I've got another toddler, ya'll! :-o

She is walking more.  It's shaky, but she is beginning to prefer it. 

She and I are so different in our relationship than the Beth and me relationship.  Sorry, I can't help but compare - is that normal?!  Anyway, it's hard to explain...  It's not a bad different - although, there are ways she frustrates me that Beth never did.  We are just different. 

I really appreciate those moments with her that we seem to connect - like communication happens. I "hear" her speaking to me - trying to get me to understand something cute or funny or otherwise.  She can't talk yet - obviously - but you know how little ones begin to "talk" to you in a way only you can understand?  Yeah, those moments.  I like those moments.  Need more of those ;-)

I'm pretty scared about school starting up again July 25th - that's when teachers go back to work here.  What scares me is that I'll lose touch with her again.  I've got her figured out - mostly - and I don't want to lose that.  I never had disconnect moments with Beth, and I don't want that to happen with Hannah again either.

It's also scary to think about all that is going to happen in this next year as we approach two years old... talking? walking better? running?! potty training?! 

It just all happens so fast.  To quote my favorite play Our Town... 

Emily Webb, dead, while reliving a day in her past says, "Just for a moment now we're all together. ...Just for a moment we're happy. Let's really look at one another!...I can't. I can't go on. It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that [life] was going on and we never noticed..."

Well, tomorrow, I'll try to force myself to stop and enjoy the celebration of my rainbow turning one.  I'll try to stop and just look at her.  REALLY look at HER.

I think I'm ready...